Bronfman's Phony Surrender by George Ziemann -- November 20, 2007 Sometime last week, in a land far, far away, Warner Music CEO Edgar Bronfman declared consumers to be the winners of the 21st Century Music War. Ever seen the "new ball" trick in a high school football game? The teams take position at the line of scrimmage, then the quarterback says, "Wait! New ball!" The center hands him the football and the quarterback wanders over near the sidelines, asking loudly for a new ball. The rest of the offense stays right where they are. Just before he gets to the sidelines, where the coach is standing, holding another ball, maybe even tossing it up in the air a little, the quarterback makes a break for the end zone while the defense is chatting and adjusting their jock straps. Bronfman's "surrender" is kinda like that. "We used to fool ourselves,' he said. "We used to think our content was perfect just exactly as it was. We expected our business would remain blissfully unaffected even as the world of interactivity, constant connection and file sharing was exploding. And of course we were wrong. How were we wrong? By standing still or moving at a glacial pace, we inadvertently went to war with consumers by denying them what they wanted and could otherwise find and as a result of course, consumers won." I've already made some of these comments elsewhere, but I'd like to expound a little because, hey, that's what I do. First, off, it's important to point out that this is the 2nd paragraph from the linked story, after which Bronfman uses the rest of his speaking opportunity to publicly kiss Steve Jobs' ass and tell us all how wonderful the iPhone is, apparently unaware that we were not actually waiting breathlessly for his endorsement. Judging by the number of hyperbolic superlatives Bronfman used to describe his sudden appreciation, Warner Music has definitely surrendered to Apple and Steve Jobs. This is what bowing to the victor looks like. The thing is, Bronfman didn't say that Jobs or Apple won. He said, "...consumers won." Seen any evidence of that? I checked the RIAA web site and there's no notice that Warner has dropped all infringement claims against college kids, dead people, grandmas and little kids. In fact, the day after Bronfman made his speech, the RIAA announced another wave of campus lawsuits. As of yesterday, they're still using DRM. Warner hasn't dropped out of the RIAA. Nothing has changed. This is not over, as much as the record labels would like to pretend it is and con us back into giving them money again. Not gonna. Wouldn't be prudent. Not at this juncture. This is my favorite part of the whole paragraph: ...we inadvertently went to war with consumers... That's enough to make you stop, go back and look at the whole paragraph again, from a different perspective, like... a Monty Python skit, with Eric Idle as a record exec trying to sell this story to Mr. Consumer, played by John Cleese. Consumer: How exactly did this all get started? Record Exec: We used to fool ourselves. Consumer: You don't say. How exactly do you go about that? Record Exec: Go about what? Consumer: Fooling yourself. How do you manage to fool yourself? Do you set up a prank, run out of the room and wait to see if you fall for it? Record Exec: Sometimes... Consumer: Does it ever work? Record Exec: Oh, yes. I tricked myself out of the last doughnut just this morning. But I usually just send myself an e-mail. Consumer: I see. Please go on. Record Exec: Thank you. You see, we used to think our content was perfect just exactly as it was. Consumer: Perfect? You thought it was perfect? Nothing is perfect. Record Exec: It was perfect, believe me. That's what it said in the e-mail, anyway. That's why we expected our business would remain blissfully unaffected even as the world of interactivity, constant connection and file sharing was exploding. Consumer: You really believed that? You'd have to be more daft than Miss Ellworthy down in accounting. But she was run over by a lorry. Severe head trauma. Nasty mess, that. But still, I believe that, even in her current sorry state, unable to eat anything but the broth her dear mother feeds her, Miss Ellsworthy would have more sense than that. Record Exec: I got better. We were fooling ourselves... Consumer: Ah yes, fooling yourself... jump in the hallway, send yourself an e-mail. So tell me, how has that been working for you? Record Exec: ...and, of course, we were wrong. Consumer: You don't say! Wrong about what, exactly? How were you wrong? Record Exec: How were we wrong? Consumer: I believe there is an echo in this room. Hello! Record Exec: By standing still or moving at a glacial pace, we inadvertently went to war with consumers by denying them what they wanted and could otherwise find and as a result of course, consumers won. Consumer: Let's see here, "By standing still or moving at a glacial pace..."? I do believe you left out that you were doing said glacial activity right in everyone else's way. Record Exec: No, we weren't. Consumer: And you weren't standing still. You were jumping around like a looney, suing anything to do with music that you didn't own. Record Exec: Oh, no. I was standing very still. I have people that I pay to jump around like a looney for me. Consumer: Of course. My mistake. You inadvertently went to war with consumers? Record Exec: Yes. Inadvertently. That's what I said. It was a total accident. Consumer: No it wasn't. Record Exec: Yes it was. Consumer: What about DRM? Record Exec: Accident. Big mistake. I wrote a note to myself that said we must have more Damn Rock Music. But I abbreviated it to DRM and then forgot what it meant. Consumer: The lawsuits? Record Exec: Totally inadvertent. Never saw them coming. Consumer: 30,000 times? Record Exec: Who would have thought that there would be so many people named John Doe? But really, we didn't want to sue anyone. It was a big mistake. Complete accident. I made a joke at an RIAA meeting about suing little kids for their lunch money and before I knew it, things were just out of control. Consumer: An accident? Inadvertent? You're going to stick with that, are you? Record Exec: Oh yes. Consumer: All right... Hmmm. There's one more thing here... The consumers won? Record Exec: Yes. I hate to admit it. By the way, have you seen the new iPhone? Consumer: What did they win? Record Exec: Who? Consumer: The consumers. Shall I read this back to you? Let's see here. Ah, yes, "...as a result of course, consumers won." What did they win? Record Exec: Whatever do you mean? Consumer: You "accidentally" started a war and you lost. To the victors go the spoils, you know. What do we win? Have you stopped the lawsuits yet? Record Exec: Why, of course not. Consumer: Still using DRM? Record Exec: Have to. What other choice is there? Unprotected files? Consumer: That's what is on those "perfect" CDs you are so fond of. I think you're still fooling yourself. You won't even admit that you did anything wrong. Inadvertent. A big accident. If there weren't a studio audience, I'd pummel you with this chair right now. Record Exec: I didn't expect the Spanish Inquisition. Inquisitor (Michael Palin): No one expects the Spanish Inquisition. You have lost the war. We have two demands. One, stop suing people. Two, stop using DRM, and three, a very large, public apology. That's three demands: Stop the lawsuits, stop DRM, a public apology and stop calling us pirates. Four demands...

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